WRITING PROGRESS

HE CAME FOR ME

BOOK ONE IN THE PROTECTOR SERIES

http://www.amazon.com/He-Came-Book-One-Protector/dp/1447875591/ref=sr_1_cc_1?s=aps&ie=UTF8&qid=1422879701&sr=1-1-catcorr&keywords=he+came+for+me+book+one+in+the+protector+serieshttps://www.smashwords.com/books/view/82996
http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/he-came-for-me-book-one-in-the-protector-series-c.-m.-brown/1113030642?ean=2940011475573

HE CAME FOR MINE

 BOOK TWO IN THE PROTECTOR SERIES

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/82996         http://www.barnesandnoble.com/s/he-came-for-mine?keyword=he+came+for+mine&store=ebook




Friday, 25 May 2012

Wilde's Fire Editor-Judged Contest - Blog Hop

Sharon Baylis, (Sci-fi and fantasy author) and Krystal Wade, (Curiosity Quills Acquisition Editor for Young Adult) have teamed up to host a Blog Hop where there is a prize or prizes, depending on quality of submissions, for a chance at a publishing contract with Curiosity Quills.

Wilde's Fire, by Krystal Wade - Cover 


All of this is to celebrate
 Krytal Wade's book release 
"Wilde's Fire"!











Under the YA and NA umbrella, Curiosity Quills is most interested in the following genres:

Fantasy
Speculative Fiction / Dark Sci-Fi / Traditional Sci-Fi
Paranormal and Urban Fantasy
Steampunk / NeoVictorian
Mystery / Crime Thrillers
Quirky/Humorous Fiction (in any of the above genres)

1) Sign up at the linky on Sharon Baylis site.

2) By 5/25, post your query and first 500 words on your blog. I recommend that you refer to Curiosity Quill's submission guidelines when crafting your query. They don't need the bio section, they like to judge a work by its merits only. You can go slightly more or less than 500 words so you're not stopping in the middle of a sentence.

3) From 5/25-5/28, pop over to the other blogs and comment on entries. Contests like this are a great way to get useful feedback from a lot of people. So let's make it useful! Please post meaningful and helpful feedback that we can use to improve our work. Constructive criticism is encouraged but of course, unhelpful meanness will not be tolerated. If you're lucky, you may even find comments from Curiosity Quills editors themselves.

4) On 5/28 I will post again asking you to email me your revised, final entries for consideration by Krystal. From these entries, she will choose winners (assuming entries are strong enough, she will choose more than one winner!). These winners will get a full request from Curiosity Quills.

On the very last day of submissions, I have decided to submit an entry. Click here to find out the details of the Blog Hop and visit the other participants!

MY QUERY:

Dear  Krystal,

Courtney has just finished university and has landed a job in Melbourne, as an advertising editor for a new fashion magazine called 'TINT'.  

She leaves her country life, family and friends to move to Melbourne, engulfing herself in her new city lifestyle. But, this fashion mag isn't all it seems to be....

Courtney finds herself attracted to one of the many gorgeous models on staff, Slater and discovers a very different world beneath the surface of the fashion magazine and big city life.

She is changed forever as she sinks deeper into a relationship with the very sexy, attractive Slater. 


'TINT' is a New Adult Paranormal Romance, set in modern day Melbourne, Australia. As it stands it is an incomplete story which may have possibilities to become a series.

Sincerely,

Carolyn Brown



Here is my first 500 words of 'TINT'

Shadows crept across the wall as the room swam and the figures in front of me merged and swirled into one.  I felt as if I would not be able to stand up straight for long.  The orange tablet they had made me swallow was taking effect and my mind was beginning to become foggy and unfocused.  I knew I was in trouble when I felt my heart beat faster and droplets of sweat formed upon my skin!

Slater walked into the room, I knew it was him even though my senses had begun to wane.  The others in the room parted as he strode past them, giving him a wide berth to move towards me.  I did not expect him to hit me, but he did, with the full force of his giant fist smashing into my cheekbone, sending me down towards the floor. 

Droplets of blood escaped from my mouth, dripping down my chin, but I was unable to wipe them off as my hands were bound behind my back.  I tried to gain some composure as I struggled to stand again, defiantly looking my once vampire lover in the eyes!  He hit me again and everything faded….


Chapter One

“Hey you! What are you doing lying around here?” Came the familiar voice.

I was lying amongst a field of clover, listening to the bees buzzing around me, collecting nectar to make honey, the birds singing to each other amongst the trees and the trickling sound of the nearby stream as it meandered past the field I was resting in.

Ali had been my friend since primary school and we had never spent much time apart.  She lived nearby on one of the neighbouring properties that adjoined this one.Together we had learned to ride our bikes, played with our dolls and chased the local boys.  When we were a lot younger we had spent almost every waking hour together exploring our neighbourhood.

Feeling the warm sun on my skin, I shielded my eyes as I moved to greet her, a smile spreading across my face when I saw the pack she carried in her arms.  Knowing Ali, she would have packed my favourite olives, pate´s and cheeses.  I could feel my mouth begin to water.

“I was just enjoying the sunshine!  Can never get too much of just laying around, you know!" I paused before continuing, "Actually, I just wanted to reinforce my memories of this place, just once more before I leave for the big city in the morning.”

“Yeah!  I’m going to miss you, ya know.”

“Me, you as well!” I answered and walked over to give her a huge hug.

We sat down together, she opened up her bag, and I was right, she had packed it full of my favourite delights.  Even those special chocolate balls her grandmother used to make us when we were kids.

We spent a couple of hours together just enjoying each others  company before we separated and headed back to our respective homes.
 ****


I hope you enjoyed it. Feel welcome to comment or make critiques below, (be nice though). Please be aware as I am Australian, some words may not be spelled the way you are accustomed. I was inspired to continue writing this story after entering a challenge earlier this year.
Carolyn

39 comments:

Lynn Proctor said...

i love the book cover and what i have read thus far---i had a childhood friend whose last name was slater and now she has a son named slater--great name choice!

Gwen Gardner said...

That opening scene was very powerful, especially after I read the query and realized that Slater was a master betrayer of the worst sort! See? I'm already invested in the story! I'm liking the New Adult genre a lot:)

twentysomethingfictionwriter said...

Holy cow crazy opener! Read your query and was like what a sweet romance this will be and then you start with Slater hitting her! Awesome. :) So good I really liked it.

tueremorton said...

Cool book cover and how interesting to have the story take place in Australia. Good luck on the contest :)

Michael Pierce said...

Nice opening scene. Sounds like she's in for quite an adventure. Good luck with the contest!

C.M.Brown said...

Thanks Lynn, yes I like the name Slater too.

C.M.Brown said...

Yes Gwen, I find it so much easier writing to the older age group, you can tantalize and tease!

C.M.Brown said...

Thanks, I am glad it impressed you.

C.M.Brown said...

Thanks for visiting and making a comment!

C.M.Brown said...

Thanks Michael.

Jade Hart said...

Well done :) Really enjoyed the contradictory tone of the 'sweet romance' query and then BAM. Drugged and abused. Cool :) I used to live in Sydney for 6 years, now live in NZ. So I can totally relate that some things are spelt differently to American English. Good luck! :)

C.M.Brown said...

Glad you enjoyed my entry Jade, thanks for stopping by.

michelle said...

I love the 500 word 'tint'... drugs, abuse and romance in one sweep... so many possibilities...
So you write what is called New Adult genre? This is my first time hearing about it. Is it the direct opposite of YA?

C.M.Brown said...

Thanks for dropping by Michelle and liking my entry. New Adult (NA) is a spin off from YA, it is targeted to 17 to 24/25 years, hence the title of New Adult! I suppose you could say it has a new 'hip' title!

Kimberly Gabriel said...

I love this opening scene!! It pulled me right in! I also like your overall premise. Your query mentions it's paranormal, but I didn't get that from the query (I did get it once I read your prologue). You might mention the paranormal elements in play in the query. That's my only suggestion. Overall, I really enjoyed reading this! Best of luck to you in the contest!

C.M.Brown said...

Thanks for your suggestion Kimberly and I will rethink the query to add the paranormal element.

mindthagap said...

Wow, I agree with 20 something, I was expecting a sweet story and then bam a fist! I like that it didn't start the way I expected it to. That's always good! :) My only comment is the dialogue between her and the friend, it seemed very formal for two girls their age. Just my opinion. :) Good luck with the contest!

C.M.Brown said...

Thanks for the feedback Devin.

Old Kitty said...

Hi CM Brown!!! Well I enjoyed it!! I like the prologue and then the change of scene in chapter one - the prologue had me so hooked that the change in chapter one totally threw me in a very good way cos now I want to know what on earth was going on with your mc Courtney getting attacked by bad evil Slater! Good luck and all the best with this!! Take care
x

Sharon Bayliss said...

Hi CM! I liked your query, brief and to the point. I would have liked to hear more about the paranormal element in the query. "more than it seems to be" could be almost anything! I want to know that it's something more than just the Devil Wears Prada. Good luck!

Morgan said...

Cool that you write New Adult, CM! And I didn't know you were Australian! Fun stuff here---nice work! ;)

C.M.Brown said...

Thanks Old Kitty, it is nice to receive such great feedback.

C.M.Brown said...

Thanks Sharon, I understand what you are saying and will make the change to the query!

C.M.Brown said...

Thanks Morgan, yes I am an Aussie girl!

meredithmansfield said...

I agree that there needs to be something stronger in the query. You start right out with a vampire in the excerpt, so I think you need to be more specific in the query.

Also, does "incomplete story" mean that you haven't finished it or that it can't stand alone?

That first scene was dynamite. I just got lost when the excerpt moves from there to a very pastoral scene. As a reader, I'm feeling like I've been led into one story and offered another. If you feel the need to open with something out of order like that, it may be a sign that you've started in the wrong place.

Deana said...

I also liked that the query was brief, but I actually thought it may have been just a tad too brief. I would have liked to have known a little more:) Good luck and great blog too!

Larissa said...

Wow, that's a powerful opening! Good luck with the contest! :)

Nicole Zoltack said...

I definitely thinking add more about the paranormal element into the query would be great. Love the excerpt, wow is that a powerful start!

Ink in the Book said...

I was drawn into the story right away. Great work!! Good luck tomorrow:)

Rebekah Loper said...

I love your query and 500 words! It's intriguing and teasing, and I want to read it! Good luck!

C.M.Brown said...

Thanks Meredith for your input, but I think I will keep it this way. I know some writers these days are against prologues, but in some stories they work really well.

C.M.Brown said...

Thanks Deana, I will add a little more to the query.

C.M.Brown said...

Thanks Larissa.

C.M.Brown said...

Will certainly add more to the query and include the paranormal element. Thanks for your comment Nicole.

C.M.Brown said...

Thanks, and you too!

C.M.Brown said...

Thank you Rebekah, I am glad that it has intrigued and teased you and piqued your interest.

Stephen Tremp said...

Good luck to you. The querying process got to the point I could wallpaper my bedroom with rejection letters. So for now I'll be happy to self publish.

Ciara said...

I have to tell you that the story is fantastic! I'm not sure the query does the story justice. If you'd ever like to bounce some ideas on the query off me, feel free. I'm always willing to help if I can.

M Pax said...

Congrats to Sharon and Krystal!

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THE PROTECTOR SERIES ON GOODREADS

C.M. Brown's books on Goodreads
He Came For Me He Came For Me (The Protector, #1)
reviews: 19
ratings: 20 (avg rating 3.30)

He Came for Mine He Came for Mine (The Protector, #2)
reviews: 2
ratings: 3 (avg rating 3.67)